What I wish I had known about breastfeeding

(I wrote this post because I want to remember my experience breastfeeding and I hope another mom will find encouragement from it. Please understand that this isn't meant to hurt anyone who has had a different experience or who feels differently.) 

My daughter quit breastfeeding at 11 months and 1 week old. If someone had told me how far we would make it on the day she was born I probably would have been overjoyed. What I wish I had known was that when she gave it up I wouldn't be ready. I would cry and spend weeks hoping she would continue; I would look back at all those nursing sessions with fondness. You see, when you do something every day, many times a day, it starts out as hard work. But after months of investing your time in it it's an accomplishment you feel proud of.

When I actually started planning to breastfeed it seemed kind of strange. I read books and even watched how-to videos. I thought, wow, can I really do that? I knew formula would be hard to afford and I really wanted to be successful so I did everything I could to be prepared. Right after birth Lola was ready to nurse. It took a few tries but she latched on and nursed off and on for an hour. I'm glad that I delayed finding out her weight and a bath because she just seemed so hungry. That night she slept in my arms and continued to nurse often. I will always cherish that memory.We didn't encounter too many problems and I feel very blessed for that. Of course it was painful at first. The first few weeks and when my milk first came in it was extremely uncomfortable. I remember crying when I would be woken up (again!!) in the night to nurse because of exhaustion and the pain of nursing. Not to mention the weight of knowing it was only me who could feed our baby felt like a heavy blanket. It was hard and I remember thinking that 12 months seemed like an eternity.

But at the same time, I was glad that I could feed her. For nine months she had grown inside me, and now I was still able to help her grow. It was so gratifying to find out that she had gained nearly 2.5 pounds in the first month all because of my milk. It didn't take long before her little legs got oh so cute and chunky. Soon breastfeeding turned from hard work to something I enjoyed. After breastfeeding every day for about 8 months, I realized that I could honestly say that I loved it. Nursing just a few times a day was easy and didn't take much time at all. It was our special snuggle time. As Lola learned to crawl and then walk at just 10 months old, those snuggles were precious. I loved having that closeness, knowing that she still needed me. I also felt a huge sense of accomplishment and realized that I didn't want to quit at a year just because we made it to a year. I decided I would continue until we were both ready to stop.

I had no idea that for her that day would come much sooner then I expected. 11 months and 1 week old. I still remember the afternoon after I nursed her for the last time. I noticed a new tooth coming through, with several more on the way. She wasn't being especially grouchy, but she refused to nurse before I put her to bed, although she fell asleep just fine. That was the start of many sad days for me, as I tried to convince her to continue nursing. I figured her teeth were the problem so I tried every teething remedy I thought might work. Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Orajel, a homeopathic medicine. Teething rings, frozen wash clothes, mesh teether bag with frozen fruit. I tried feeding her less solid food, only gave her my milk in a cup so she wouldn't get attached to a bottle, and made time for lots of skin to skin. I took her to the doctor. There was nothing wrong with her ears or throat. I took suggestions from two very helpful and sympathetic lactation consultants. I read online everything I could about nursing strikes. I tried things that I'm too embarrassed to admit. All the while I was pumping milk and giving it to Lola in a cup who seemed just fine with that (how could she!?). I was most sad at night when she would fall asleep after refusing to nurse. I missed it so much and felt incredibly rejected. I wanted to continue nursing, but as the days went by, weeks went by, I started losing hope. After 3 weeks, on her 1st birthday I figured that I had done my best and I quit pumping.

Now looking back I'm just glad that I have such a happy and healthy little girl. While it's not what I was hoping for at the time, I'm proud of her for making the transition to whole milk in a cup and more solids so easy. We had a great run at breastfeeding, we made it to 12 months! I'm so proud of both of us! The feeling of accomplishment that I have now makes it all worth it.


If I could give a new mom advice about breastfeeding this is what I would say

-Support is HUGE when it comes to breastfeeding. Please PLEASE read this article: http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2013/07/05/community-support-and-breastfeeding-make-a-difference/. It really gave me encouragement. It says that women will rate social support as more important than anything else in how long they breastfed. This article pushed me to write about my positive experience because other moms need to hear it. I remember wondering, are other moms breastfeeding?? I rarely saw anyone nursing, even in rooms dedicated to that.

-Learn as much as you can about breastfeeding before the baby is born. There are tons of great     resources. Books, classes, videos. The truth is, breastfeeding is simple. But there is a lot to it if you encounter problems, and people will give you terrible advice. Have the number to a lactation consultant. Those ladies were so wonderful in helping me through. The first few weeks as a new mother can be overwhelming as it is, don't find yourself in the dark when it comes to solving breastfeeding problems.

-Realize that those first few hours and days can really affect breastfeeding. Do your research. Ask questions. Write "I want to exclusively breastfeed" in your birth plan.

-Request skin to skin immediately after birth. It doesn't matter what kind of birth you have, if baby is doing well you should be able to hold them. There are many benefits to immediate skin to skin with baby. Other things can wait, like weighing and bathing. This may be the time when your baby is most alert and ready to breastfeed.

-The first few weeks, even few months will be hard. Some women will experience pain at first even when the latch is right. For me I remember the pain lasting for about 2 weeks. And then there is the exhaustion. It's so incredibly hard to wake up every few hours in the middle of the night to feed your baby. I promise there will be times when you want to give up. Don't. You can do it! It might take a lot of practice and perseverance, but YOU CAN DO IT.

-I really think it's best to delay using bottles and pacifiers. Those first few days and weeks are so critical in establishing your milk supply. The more you breastfeed before your milk comes in, the more milk you will have! It took 5 days for me, but when it came I had an oversupply. Don't think you have to give formula just because your milk hasn't come in. Colostrum is super calorie dense and perfect for the tiny tummy of a newborn. Some babies like to suck all the time so using a pacifier might be best for your sanity, but delaying those first few days could mean your baby nurses more and you will produce more milk. I decided to wait about 3 weeks before trying a pacifier and 6 weeks before a bottle. Lola never took to a pacifier and I'm actually glad.

-If you do give a bottle, don't forget to pump. It's supply and demand when it comes to making milk! The best way to keep up your supply is to breastfeed.

-Don't forget to enjoy it! This is such a unique time in your life as a mother. You are providing the perfect food for your baby. Maybe even take a picture of your sweet baby nursing, because someday you just might miss it.

Top 10 baby things I (almost) couldn't have lived without

I remember making my baby registry and seeing top ten baby lists and thinking wow, I really need all that crap?! Turns out I didn't. Even though some moms swear by them I barely used the nursing pillow, bumbo, binkies, or even the moby wrap (although I bet it's nearly necessary with 2+ kids.) Also, contrary to popular belief your baby will not shrivel up and die if you don't put baby lotion on them everyday (or ever.) But the things on this list I (almost) couldn't have survived the first ten months without.

• Bouncer- I didn't have a swing or anything fancy, but my hand-me-down blue bouncer! It was a lifesaver. I kept it close for the first 6 months or so for any time I just needed to free my hands. The vibrations and songs lulled Lola into a state of peaceful bliss. And best of all I could put it in the bathroom, strap her in, and take a blessed shower! Heaven. 

• Footie PJs- Aint nobody got time for undershirts and cute ruffled tops with a million buttons and pants and tiny socks all the time. Que the footie pjs. One outfit for night and day, warm and comfy. 

• Diaper Bag- This thing keeps all the stuff that my baby needs for a day out. Enough said. But really, in those first few months after having a baby it can be overwhelming trying to get out the door with a little one, so it's nice to have some of the stuff packed and ready to go. Get one you love! I got this Skip Hop Bag in black because it doesn't look tacky. I actually got it from Phil for my birthday, which turned out to be Lola's birthday too. 

• Burp cloths/blankets- Lola burped spit up all over us for the first six months. Yuck. Burp cloths were really nice to have but blankets can do the same thing they're just bigger and they double as, well a blanket (which is essential!) Swaddle blankets were awesome too, but we only used them for the first 3 months until Lola outgrew the ones we had.

• Cloth diapers- yes, disposables do the job but I love my cloth diapers! They save all kinds of money and look cute to boot. I love Alvababy diapers!

• Cloth wipes/wipe warmer- I keep wash cloths in a wipe warmer and pour water on top. Presto, super awesome baby wipes that save $$$. Even if you use disposables, a wipe warmer would be nice, if not absolutely necessary, especially in the winter!  

• Washable nursing pads- These are obviously for a nursing mom and not a baby, but it's all the same to me. So keeping with the money saving washable stuff. I don't know how much money I would have wasted by now on the disposable kind, but it's a lot. I love these. I just wash them with the white laundry, so easy!

• Car seat and cover- Yes this is a very basic list. I love my Britax B-safe car seat because Lola seems so comfy in it. She will often nap in there. There was a time at around 4 months where she took a majority of her naps in it. Even now at 10 months old she still does sometimes, like last Sunday at church! My sister Karen made my super cute cover so she can sleep without distractions, as well as keeping out the sun, rain, cold etc.  

• Jogging Stroller- Truthfully we didn't even have a stroller until Lola was 5 months old. But since then we have gotten a lot of use out of our Baby Trend Jogging Stroller . I use it for sanity saving exercise. And also when we go on outings/to family reunions/camping it multitasks as a highchair and nap spot which makes it a super star in my book. 

• Pack n play- At first I didn't think this was necessary since newborns sleep anywhere. But as Lola has gotten older I realized how awesome it is to have a portable bed for trips! We also use it for naps in our bedroom, since her crib is in the living room. We got one for $8 in good condition at a garage sale and it has been well worth it. We just put an extra pad in it to make it nice for sleeping. 

Okay, so every mom is going to have a different list. It's okay if your mom/aunt/sister or I love and think you NEED something that you just don't like. Even so, it was fun to make my own top ten list! 

Introducing Me the Mom

Let's face it. Being a mom does not sound extraordinary. Probably because if you aren't one yourself, you know about a million. Or two. You were raised by one and you never thought much about it. You go away to college and you think you get it. But nothing prepares you for how it feels to be a mom. It hit me that first day home from the hospital. I have to take care of this baby or she will die. I panicked. Life was not simple anymore. And not because a newborn eats at least every 2 hours round the clock and in between they need burped and bathed and held and rocked and a new diaper. Life just seemed so fragile all of a sudden. Other moments I'm sidelined by how awesome it is to have a child. To be a mom to the most beautiful person on earth. I'M A MOM. Whoa. So I feel different, and this blog seems different. Like, should this be a total baby blog? Pictures every week, monthly baby stats? It's not like my baby is my whole world.... oh wait. She totally is. 

Motherhood- It Will Change Your Life 

By: Dan Hanson Bourke

Found in Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul

Time is running out for my friend. We are eating lunch when she causally mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family". What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown, and she being forced to consider the prospect of motherhood.


"We're taking a survey," she says half jokingly. "Do you think I should have a baby?" 


"It will change your life," I say carefully, keeping my tone neutral.


"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations..."


But that is not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in child birth classes. I to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. 


I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every fire, will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.


I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.


I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going to an important business meeting and she will think about her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her child is alright.


I want my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonalds will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of those clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.


Looking at my friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring. She will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs'. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.


My friend's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the ways she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his son or daughter. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she she would now find unromantic.


I wish my friend could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried desperately to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.


I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.


My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You will never regret it." I say finally. Then I reach across the table and squeeze my friend's hand, and offer a prayer for her and me and all of the mere mortal women who stumble into this holiest of callings.