Lola Fern at 5 days old

My baby will be 6 months old in a few days. It's been a crazy half of a year. It's insane how much a baby changes in that short amount of time. And me? I'm different too. I'm learning to love being at home. I try to find joy everyday in doing the things that seem mundane. Being with this little angel everyday is priceless.

A few things I hope I never forget about Lola as a newborn:
She loved to be held and cuddled close. A few nights she even slept on daddy's chest.
She was born with perfect, unbelievably soft skin. In fact only the first picture is edited.
She was so sleepy and content. I don't remember hearing her cry once while we were in the hospital. Maybe a whimper if she was hungry. Phil bragged to my grandparents that she was the best baby that NEVER cries. Of course she eventually learned how to use her lungs to full capacity, but usually only if she was really hungry. And she sure loved to eat!
See her legs in the last picture? I know she must have done that a lot in the womb too. The labor & delivery nurse commented about her foot being bent from doing it. (It quickly straightened out.)
We loved bringing her home. I felt like I just knew how to take care of her, although I'm not saying those early weeks were easy. While pregnant I was constantly reading to know what was going on, but with a new baby I didn't feel panicked that I didn't know the perfect way to bathe her etc. like some books had me imagine I would.
It was such a surreal feeling to meet her and think "So here you are! You're the one who was in there." Yet, she seemed familiar too. It still amazes me that she grew inside of me. In fact it gets crazier as time goes by to imagine her in my belly!

These pictures were taken by my sister Kate just a couple of days after we got home from the hospital. Thanks Kate! She had never done newborn pictures before. Lola may look peaceful in these pictures, and she did sleep almost the whole time (when was she not sleeping back them?) but it was a lot of work! I was hovering over her the whole time in a robe holding a heater. Getting a sleeping baby into cute positions is difficult, all the while trying to keeping her little bum covered. Speaking of which she may have peed and pooped on every one of those cute blankets.

Dear Lola- 5 months

Dear Lola,

Lately it has been so fun to be your mom. It's been about a month since you learned to use your hands to grab and get a hold of things and you are now a pro. I never tire of watching you use them to grab for a toy or food off daddy's plate. You especially like to use your new found dexterity to grab at my face while you nurse. You try to get a hold of my nose or put your whole hand in my mouth. Of course this would be quite annoying... except for the fact that I still find it adorable. You also started eating solid foods earlier this month, although I put it off again until last week. You've eaten rice and oatmeal cereal, peas, sweet potatoes, and carrots so far. I think you've liked them all just fine- except the peas. It's been a few weeks now that you learned to roll from your back to your tummy. Your scooting has only gotten better too. You arch your back and push with your legs to get half way across the room if you see something worth the scoot. Your giggles are contagious and I love the way you smile with your whole toothless mouth open wide. It's almost just as cute when you pull a big frown- you always get your way when you do. This week we got a jogging stroller and we have gone out every day. Daddy is always so happy to come home and hold you after a long day at school. He usually sits you on his lap during dinner just because he missed you all day. You're not sleeping 10 hours straight anymore but I guess it's okay as long as you're happy. It's amazing to see you grow from a helpless newborn to a curious little baby. You have a lot more growing to do, but know that today I love you just the way you are.

Love,
Mom

Pregnancy

           Looking at these pictures is bringing back all the memories from my pregnancy. I remember finding out that I was pregnant and feeling so light headed and excited and overwhelmed. Phil was just so calm and happy. I had wanted a November baby but was so surprised that it worked out that way. When my mom told me that she had been due with me on November 18th I thought it was a funny coincidence. I kept it a secret through my last semester of college. It was hard not to tell my classmates. It was also fun though, keeping it as our little secret. I immediately started reading everything I could about pregnancy and delivery. I went to the University's library and checked out a stack of books only to be asked "Are you pregnant?" Oh my gosh. I'd never been asked that. Eek. "No, just doing research." I promptly ran into my cousin's wife who I fretted had seen the book titles and knew.
          I loved being pregnant. It made me feel beautiful and special. It was so exciting planning for our little girl and imagining what she would look like. It was hard sometimes too, like going to work when my back hurt. One Sunday I woke up and could not find a thing to wear to church. Needless to say it was depressing and we were late. I gained too much (40 pounds) and it shows in the pictures. I didn't beat myself up about it though and I don't feel like I need to explain myself. After Lola was born I wasn't sure if I would be able to lose the extra weight. I always had the idea that pregnancy gave you hidden pounds that just never went away. I knew that even if that were the case she was totally worth it. I've lost it all plus some, although the stretch marks may never completely fade and my stomach isn't quite the same. But you know what? I have a deeper respect for my body now. It knew exactly what it was doing before I read all those books to find out what was going on in there. And she turned out to be the most perfect little baby. I'm so grateful that I was able to experience carrying and delivering her. Both were extremely incredible experiences that I will remember forever. I can just imagine years from now on our birthday I will be telling Lola all about it.


Pictures were taken by my talented sister Kate Hill. Thank you thank you thank you!

Dear Lola- 4 Months

Dear Lola,

Monday marked 4 months since we held you for the first time. Your dad and I think you are the most precious little girl in the whole world. Monday I also took you to see Dr. L. He is very happy with how you are growing. You weigh 15 lbs 7.5 oz (87%) and are 25.5 inches long (91%.) Your cute little noggin measures 16.5 inches around (77%.) You had to get immunizations so of course you bawled your eyes out. Thankfully you fell asleep before we even left the Doctor's office. That night you gave us a scare. I noticed you were hot and had a temperature of 101.6. I immediately called my sister Karen who is a nurse. Then I called Phil who said he would pick up some Tylenol on the way home. 45 minutes later you threw up about ten times. You completely soaked the front of my shirt and your clothes too. It scared me half to death! I called Karen again and Phil who then also called Karen... you can tell we are first time parents with a first time sick baby. I even called the after hours number at the pediatrician's office. I was just so nervous. You spit out the Tylenol but went to bed as usual. You even slept through the night (although I sure didn't.) It seemed all you needed was a good nights sleep and then you were happy as a peach. You started sleeping through the night at about 2 1/2 months, although lately you've been waking up for snacks in the night. In other news you have started to babble and giggle which we think is adorable. You like to arch your back to escape from the bouncer or even your car seat when not strapped in. Your grandma, aunts, and cousins all love to hold you. I got you some books at the thrift store including Goldilocks and the Three Bears and I'm going to read them to you. I have fond memories of my mom reading to me so I hope you will like books as much as I do. I'm so blessed to have you as my daughter.

Hugs & Kisses, 

Mom 

Cloth Diapers

My baby wears cloth on her bum. Some people might think I'm crazy for wanting to wash my baby's diapers. After all my own mom was super happy that disposables were invented in time to catch my...ahem... waste.


This is why I think it's totally NOT crazy (and actually really awesome!) 

-I'm not throwing my money in the trash
-Speaking of trash, there's less to take out!
-I don't have to run to the store for diapers
-My baby looks super cute in them
-I always have the right size since the one size diapers work for babies 8-35 lbs
-I can use cloth wipes too and just throw them in the diaper pail saving even more $$$
-They're fun! More fun to buy and more fun to change :)
-I like going against the grain
-Even Phil likes them! Yay
-Did I mention they are cute? That should be #1


That said, I don't care if other people use disposables. I'm not using cloth diapers to save the environment, although it is nice to create less trash. Just don't think I'm judging anyone!

So far we have bought 10 newborn diapers and 26 one size pocket diapers from alvababy.com. Those and everything else we've bought including extra inserts and laundry detergent for at least a year and a half has cost us less then $300. Awesome! Eventually we will probably get a diaper sprayer, but other then that we are pretty much set for the next few years of diapering. After 3 months our diapers still look great! Hopefully they stay that way. And it's totally not gross to wash the diapers. I just throw the dirty ones in the pail, and then dump them in the laundry every other day. It takes about 10 minutes to stuff the inserts in and then we're good to go!

If you're not concerned about saving money, you work full time outside the home, you absolutely hate doing laundry, and/ or have 6 kids already, then I probably wouldn't recommend that you use cloth diapers. But for everyone else who is interested, you might just love them as much as I do! :)

The day of hearts and love and cookies

Happy Valentine's Day! I love love love this holiday! There was no Easter bunny at our house (I still remember how weird-ed out I was when a classmate told me about the Easter bunny in Kindergarten) but there were always pink pancakes for V day, or something just as yummy. When I was little it was all about the candy. And then in high school there was the suspense. Will I get a delivery?!? I remember in 7th grade I got an anonymous rose. To this day I swear it was my sister but she would not fess up. And now I have my two favorite valentines to share it with. Of course we had pink pancakes and heart shaped eggs for breakfast.

I had fun making these cookies yesterday. They turned out really good :) I gave away all but a couple.

My two sweethearts this morning. Lola is getting pretty good at sucking her thumb. 

Adorable in her heart diaper. Stay tuned for a post about cloth diapers. 

Growing Like a Beanstalk (since we all know babies start out as beans)

This baby barely lost a couple of ounces after birth and then grew so fast she almost looked different from day to day. The stats are just for me to remember how fast she grew. It still amazes me that she went from such a tiny baby to... well not so tiny. This isn't for comparison to anyone else's baby. Believe me I know they come in all different sizes. I hope you enjoy the photos :) 

Birth
6 lbs 12 oz
18 inches
Clothes: NB size baggy

Her hands and feet seemed huge in comparison to her body. She has definitely grown into them.

2 weeks 
7 lbs 15 oz
20.5 inches
Clothes: NB

There's nothing more adorable than Phil holding our sweet baby. Love :)

1 Month
9 lbs 8 oz
21.75 inches
Clothes: NB

Oh my gosh she's so cuteeeeee

7 weeks
About 11 lbs
Clothes: 0-3 Months

Christmas PJs!

 2 Months 
12 lbs 3 oz
23 inches
Clothes: 0-3 Months

First time in her crib. I think she likes it!







                                                                                 
 2.5 Months
About 13.5 lbs
Clothes:3-6 Months

Trying out the bumbo

3 Months
About 15 lbs
24 inches

Clothes: 3-6 Months

Looking all grown up in a pair of blue jeans :) 

Introducing Me the Mom

Let's face it. Being a mom does not sound extraordinary. Probably because if you aren't one yourself, you know about a million. Or two. You were raised by one and you never thought much about it. You go away to college and you think you get it. But nothing prepares you for how it feels to be a mom. It hit me that first day home from the hospital. I have to take care of this baby or she will die. I panicked. Life was not simple anymore. And not because a newborn eats at least every 2 hours round the clock and in between they need burped and bathed and held and rocked and a new diaper. Life just seemed so fragile all of a sudden. Other moments I'm sidelined by how awesome it is to have a child. To be a mom to the most beautiful person on earth. I'M A MOM. Whoa. So I feel different, and this blog seems different. Like, should this be a total baby blog? Pictures every week, monthly baby stats? It's not like my baby is my whole world.... oh wait. She totally is. 

Motherhood- It Will Change Your Life 

By: Dan Hanson Bourke

Found in Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul

Time is running out for my friend. We are eating lunch when she causally mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family". What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown, and she being forced to consider the prospect of motherhood.


"We're taking a survey," she says half jokingly. "Do you think I should have a baby?" 


"It will change your life," I say carefully, keeping my tone neutral.


"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations..."


But that is not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in child birth classes. I to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. 


I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every fire, will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.


I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.


I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going to an important business meeting and she will think about her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her child is alright.


I want my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonalds will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of those clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.


Looking at my friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring. She will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs'. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.


My friend's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the ways she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his son or daughter. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she she would now find unromantic.


I wish my friend could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried desperately to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.


I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.


My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You will never regret it." I say finally. Then I reach across the table and squeeze my friend's hand, and offer a prayer for her and me and all of the mere mortal women who stumble into this holiest of callings.

The Birth Story of Lola Fern

 I posted this on my pregnancy & baby blog and wasn't sure about posting this humongous and personal post on my public blog. But I need to put something on here. So just be warned. It's looooong and detailed.        

            It all started with a gush of water. It must have been around midnight on November 4th, but I can't be sure because I didn't even wake up completely. At 12:45 I got up thinking maybe I had wet the bed and went to the bathroom to discover the blood tinged water. I wasn't noticing any contractions and perhaps because it was so late (and 2 weeks early) I didn't believe that my water had broken. I only knew something was wrong. I woke up Phil and he sleepily reassured me that everything would be okay. But I still could not sleep. Finally I asked for a priesthood blessing. I don't remember what was said, just that I felt comforted and was able to sleep until about 4 am. That's when I discovered another trickle of water. I woke Phil and told him we were going to the hospital to get checked out. We got up and started throwing things in the hospital bag. Phil went out and installed the car seat. I could not believe this was happening on MY birthday. I opened my present from Phil, a diaper bag, and threw in the baby clothes.
         It's a good thing we had eaten cake the night before and gone swimming to Green Canyon to celebrate my birthday. I felt huge and even the water in the big pool felt way too hot. But it was fun to have all my family come for swimming and dinner and cake. Heading to the hospital I couldn't help but feel like this was happening because I went swimming in that hot water. I was upset that they might have to induce me since I wasn't feeling any contractions.

          We entered the hospital around 5 am and I told them I thought my water had  broken. We walked up to labor and delivery where my cervix was checked. I was already dilated to 5 cm and apparently was having contractions 3-5 minutes apart. I was so surprised! I faintly remember feeling a little bit of cramping in the night, but that had been happening for about 2 weeks so I didn't pay any attention. I thought to myself, well this isn't so bad! I was told that I should dilate about one centimeter an hour. I was so excited to have a baby by noon!
            I told the nurse, Ginger, that it was my birthday. She said that her birthday was the next day on the 5th and that she had tried three times to have a baby on her birthday. Apparently her husband shares a birthday with his dad and loves it. She was jealous. I thought that was crazy because my whole pregnancy I had thought "Okay girl, don't come on my birthday. It's MINE." Maybe it wouldn't be so bad sharing a birthday. I got excited. Ginger said her shift was almost over but that she would be back at 6 pm but hopefully she wouldn't see me (Because I would already be in the mother/baby unit.) At 6 am a new nurse came and I was happy I would have someone who was rested and who would be around for my whole labor! Her name was Karen and she was so kind and motherly. I had run track with her son :) She read through each of my requests on my birth plan and was so great about each of them, making me feel really good about everything. All except the fact that I didn't want an IV, something my Midwife had said was fine with her. I guess it's her duty, but I didn't like being pressured so much about it. I was even told a horror story, and she got Phil thinking I must have a hep lock. She said I would have to sign a waiver form. Another nurse even brought the IV stuff into the room.While she was in the room I told Phil I really didn't appreciate being told horror stories, then told my nurse I wanted to keep thinking about it. She never brought it up again. I'm so glad I stuck to my guns!
         Since it was still early in the morning and we were tired both Phil and I laid down to rest. Karen brought me jello and chicken broth, yum! At 10 am the midwife Helene came in. I was so happy to see her! She checked my cervix and it was still a 5. Helene said she would go home but have the nurse call her at noon to see if there was any change. So much for having this baby by lunch time I thought. Helene told the nurse I could have toast. (Midwifes are the best!)
         This is when pitocin started being pushed, the second thing I really had to fight. Because I was committed to a natural birth I really wanted to avoid being given pitocin to speed up my delivery. Not to mention, I really didn't feel like I had been in labor for very long yet. The natural alternatives were walking and nipple stimulation. I was hooked up to a breast pump for a while. It was kind of strange and sort of  uncomfortable but fine with me if it would speed things up. We walked some. My contractions started to become much more noticeable. At noon I was checked again- multiple times because the nurse was having a hard time. Ouch. Still at 5 cm. No, I'm not going to be given pitocin. Phil and I walked and walked and walked annnnnd walked. Almost like we were pioneers. Except we were in a hospital and one of us looked like a penguin. When I would have a contraction we would stop and I would lean against Phil, focusing on breathing. All day I did everything I could to relax, trusting that my body would be able to open up and deliver my baby. Every half hour we would have to go back to the delivery room so the nurse could monitor the baby's heart beat. It stayed steady the whole day. A few times we went out a side door and walked outside. It was the highlight of my labor. It was so warm and sunny for November. I had such a feeling of peace. I'm so glad that Phil was with me every step of the way. He was my rock to lean on.
         Labor was beautiful, natural, rhythmic. Time seemed to fly by. I was never concerned that I'd been in labor for too long. After a few hours we went back to the delivery room. Phil laid down on his couch bed and fell right asleep. After our early morning and not much food I knew he was wiped out and I wanted him to rest. I continued to walk circles around the room, listening to a CD of guitar lullabies we brought. Every time I had a contraction I would lean against the back of a chair and breathe. My contractions were slowly getting stronger. I laid down to rest because my feet started to hurt. The nurse came in and rubbed my back during a few contractions. Finally I had made it to 6 cm! At around 5 pm Helene came back in to check on me. She said I could get in the tub if I wanted! Yay! I hadn't expected that they would let me since my water had already broken. The nurse told Helene she would be in big trouble if we had a water birth right as her shift was supposed to end :) Walking the short distance to the tub I had to stop about three times for contractions that were now literally stopping me in my tracks. The tub was filled up with water and I got in. I was able to completely relax and it felt so good. The lights were out except for a lantern. Then my contractions started coming hard and fast. The water felt so hot. I started hollering. Everything got so intense. Helene came back and I told her I didn't think I could take it anymore! I was helped into a wheelchair and wheeled back to the delivery room. Karen said goodbye, and I remember getting out the words "thank you."                            The new nurse introduced herself between intense contractions- her name was Sadie. It's too bad my labor had lasted through 3 nurses! I was checked and told I was at 8 cm.
              The next little while is all a blur. I think I may have peed on the floor. I threw up a couple of times. Finally it was time to push. I pushed kneeling on the floor, kneeling on the bed, and laying on my side. I even pushed on the toilet. Nothing felt comfortable.The contractions I could take, but pushing was painful and I didn't really feel the urge to. A contraction would start and I would push. Then I'd take a breath and become so overwhelmed that I couldn't push again. I lost focus. Not to mention I was sooooo tired. Between contractions I would just collapse, it was like I wasn't even present. I couldn't see the end. I started yelling that I couldn't take it anymore, that I needed something. Cut her out! I said. Give me an epidural! The nurse and midwife reassured me I could do it, that it was almost over. They said there wasn't time for an epidural.  I'm glad they thought I could do it, and didn't jump at the chance to medicate me. But to me it felt like my baby was stuck and that she was never coming out. I think fear of the pain played a role. Finally after a couple of hours they agreed to call the anesthesiologist, but told me I was going to keep pushing. I tried for a while, but feebly. I had to get an IV so they could pump me with fluids. It took longer then usual for the anesthesiologist to get there, but still no baby. I sat on the edge of the bed and had to hold really still through the contractions while it was put in my back but I barely felt anything. I thought it would be painful but I guess it was nothing compared to everything else. I was told to rest up. I finally got to just lay in bed. I was so tired. When the epidural kicked in I told Phil we should call our parents. Just like that I felt great again! I knew my whole family was wondering what was going on. So we called them both and told them I was just about to push out their new grand-baby!! After that I was just ready to meet her and I wanted to get going again. I was surprised that I could still move my feet and feel my contractions, only now they were like the faint cramping that I felt in the beginning. I pushed a little, even though I was supposed to be resting up. The nurse and midwife came in and said the baby was just right there!! I was able to focus all my energy on pushing. After about a half hour I knew we were close when they called in the baby nurse who was surprise!  Ginger, my first nurse. The midwife got out a big mirror and I was able to see the top of my baby's head. At 10:48 pm Lola Fern was born to a very happy new mom and dad. She was placed on my stomach and rubbed down to try to stimulate her to breathe. I remember saying "Can I just look at my baby?" I held her up hardly believing she was really here. Phil cut the umbilical cord and I was able to hold her close as we just looked at each other. Right away she wanted to nurse and kept at it off and on for about an hour. Phil held her for the first time with the biggest smile on his face.

I hardly noticed that the midwife was stitching up a 2nd degree tear. She showed me the placenta. After that the nurse put Lola on the scale. Everyone guessed she was 7 lbs something, but she was just 6 lbs 12 oz and only 18 inches long. What a doll :) The nurse helped Phil to give Lola her first bath. After I showered we were transferred to the mother/baby unit to sleep. I slept all night holding Lola in my arms supported by my nursing pillow. I couldn't get enough of snuggling her close, plus she just wanted to eat and eat. The rest of our hospital stay was spent enjoying our beautiful daughter who hadn't yet even learned to cry or spit up :) We couldn't stop taking pictures of her- she was just so perfect! We stayed one more night and then went home on election day- so we stopped and voted!
            Of course my labor didn't go how I imagined or planned. I had hoped that contractions would start at home and that we would wait it out until they got intense, rush to the hospital, and have a natural birth soon after. In the end it turned out wonderfully though, with a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby as my birthday surprise.